I had another attack of the fears last night. I know, I know, I really need to get this under control. :( The difference was last night I actually ran with it and tried to actually face precisely what I fear. It would help if I had exact details here but clearly my brain is happy to run with generalities. :(
Whilst I lay beside Orik, putting him to sleep and later on after I got into bed I lay there and tried to pinpoint things. I worked out that I can imagine things I think the future will be like but I cannot actually envisage realistically what I think the future will entail in general. As in, not just the details of what my family and I will do on our little lock or even how the rest of Ballan will fare but globally. I then started raiding through memories of documentaries and books read ages ago, thinking about civilisation crashes of the past. And they have happened!
I had a go today writing a post about what I read and what I learned about societal collapse but I struggled with my words. I take that as a sign that it’s a post I shouldn’t be writing. In my research though I had opened a page up but become distracted and not read it. Until now. In the calm of actually having 3 kids in bed and asleep long before dark (major miracle that) I read this and have deleted all my poor words and instead I suggest looking at this article.
And today, to combat my fears I built an arch to sit over my garden seat in my veggie garden over which I intend to grow some grapes which will later be sent along the chook pen to help provide further shade. I also found another box and spread my compost out a little further. I’m not sure it will spread any further so next lot of cardboard kill mulch will be covered with the soiled hay my wonderful husband cleared from within the goats shed. :) Legend!